The One Who Broke My Heart

The Best Revenge

The morning after we broke up, I woke up with a strange unexpected sense of freedom. It was a feeling I would only understand the gravity of, in the months that followed.

We met in Church; and about 2 weeks later and there she was, dressed in traditional cloth. She was like a bright light, shining with her friends, who were buzzing around her like maids preparing her for a King. I have to be honest, I was instantly more attracted to her. In her, I saw all my fantasies. A traditional, calm, easy going woman with something more to give, than the onslaught of sexuality that most offer. She was young, bright eyed and “looked” ready for love.

It wasn’t long before we started hanging out, going to Church together or having in depth conversations about faith and perseverance. Even through the hardest times we had faced, I had found someone to share my journey with. In 3 months she knew more about me, than my family did.

Perhaps in your personal intrigue you can answer this. Why did I lobby my own mother into allowing this girl to move into our home, when her own mother threw her out for her “rude” behaviour? What did I overlook in my list of requirements, for a girlfriend (who would progress into wife)? Why did I lose many significant friendships with people I loved because of this girl? What did she say to me? What did she say to them? Why did I lose my job with a credible mentor because of this girl? How did she affect my performance at work? A role that was paying for her food and her living arrangements! She was hot for all the wrong reasons.. Why didn’t I let her go?

To help answer these questions, you might want to use your imagination and fill in the gaps. Apply your own experience or knowledge of a manipulator, gold digger or an angry, unruly, highly intelligent and extremely self centered woman.

I believe I had met someone who had mastered the Art of Seduction and thoroughly imbibed the 48 Laws of Power.

Unfortunately, I was the willing victim of her anger and tempestuous habits. When she did wrong, it was me who would constantly say “I’m sorry”, to her or on her behalf. I constantly had to excuse her behaviour, but at what stage did she stand up for me? According to her, it was when I wasn’t there! How convenient that not once did I ever see that fire and passion being used for my benefit. It was always against me and the people who were decent enough to endure my choice of a girlfriend.

Our living arrangements were formulated in hell by my own hands. In the private moments we had, it still felt like I was being used and the essence of my manly strength was being taken away. This woman was an insult to my self esteem, she did very little to encourage my personal progress. Perhaps I should have let go, the first time she started exhibiting signs of unfaithfulness. Including the long phone calls to people who did not know about me. The near kisses, actual kisses and fondles with those very same strangers she entertained on the phone and “study dates”?

Not once could I claim that she was as refreshing as the first day I saw her. I ignored everyone that spoke sense, about how a sober woman was supposed to behave. I was hooked to the most destructive relationship I had ever known. I was hooked because, she seemed like the only person who showed me attention.

I really should have gone to spec savers…….

Well I did and guess who Im working with now? REAL LOVE LOOKS LIKE WORK

 

Should She Get Sex On The First Date?

Sex on the First Date

Mr and Mrs Vito had a special talk on the subject of Sex on the first date. Its time we tried talking from a different perspective. We always ask women to put a value on it but when will men put a value on it. Probably never but commendations to those who try.

Research examining how sexual timing is associated with relationship satisfaction, stability, and communication has found waiting to become intimate had a higher correlation with more favourable long-term relationship outcomes.

Take a listen to this one!

Enjoy and Share It.

Some Things You Shouldnt Sweep Under The Carpet

depression-1

There are so many of us chugging along like restless machines that have no rest and most times no need for any form of relaxation. Perhaps because we are working towards a goal that needs relentless pursuit and so we find that activity our greatest occupation until another type of feeling begins to consume our attitudes and performance.

You know when a person goes through (terrible)things in life it never shows on their face, not with the make up we wear and the addictions we feed. If it does show on your face then that thing has gone too far but most of us know how to cover up our hurts and discomforts through the occasional selfie, twerk video, porn addiction, alcohol, weed toking, gambling, risk taking, sexual escapades and a variety of other things to just numb the mind from the following feelings. Are you experiencing any of these symptoms individually or collectively?

fatigue

  • Lacking energy or feeling tired

I feel these things a lot times and its usually when dealing with unwilling students during my work time or stubbornness towards a solution I believe will help the individuals I’m offering counsel to. That’s my personal energy drainer and I find myself having to with hold well thought out expressions in order to preserve my energy for weightier matters. Remember your energy always needs somewhere good to go. So reserve excessive effort for the willing. But if you are at the stage of being out of energy you need to the right thing about it and stop depleting your reserves.

restless

  • Feeling restless and agitated

Restless: unable to rest or relax as a result of anxiety or boredom

Agitation: feeling or appearing troubled or nervous

When your feel restless or agitated there is usually some procrastination involved. Perhaps you are avoiding doing something necessary to please someone else and even side-lining your emotions and suppressing your gifts and this is causing issues in your performance. Maybe its worth writing your feelings down and letting them stay on the paper as opposed to your heart. As you review your thoughts it is likely your will come to a conclusion about where you are headed to next.

weeping

  • Feeling tearful

There’s nothing more therapeutic than having a good cry. We probably all do it more frequently than we would like to admit but there does come a time when we need to ensure that our tears do not inspire us to do things we will later regret. Tears are so precious that they should be carried in a bottle but when we find ourselves crying rivers we need to get help. Ladies if you didn’t know men cry too. I need you to know that our tears can come from the same hurts you experience. We too at some points feel the discrimination that society piles upon us. We feel the burden of disappointment and the glass ceiling against our professional aspirations. We feel it all and most times we don’t know what to do with those feelings.

isolation

  • Not wanting to talk to or be with people

Yep here is a common one. The things you feel and experience you don’t want to share because they make you seem smaller. I completely understand. Sometimes you just want to turn your phone off and unplug from false expectations and the pretentiousness you see on the small and the big screen. The kind of things that usually make you smile and click are not as entertaining anymore. That human to human disconnect is real and depending on the kind of city you live in this can be common occurrence but surely you should know there are states of mind that are not sustainable. Pick up the phone and make a call and laugh during that conversation.

enthusiasm

    • Not wanting to do things you usually enjoy

When you stop doing things you enjoy essentially the passionate part of you is buried beneath your depression. its worth always exploring what is killing your joy. Joy, like purposeful activity is the fuel of enthusiasm and when your fuel is gone you are gone. This is difficult for some people to process but you must attend to your depression and convert your slump. Depression is greedy and always wants more than just the situation that created or forged it.

alcoholism

    • Using alcohol or drugs to cope with feelings

When your addiction is your prescription you are very much dancing on the edge of your sanity . Its a deep abyss that has no light. You cannot find hope in your addictions. When we have turned to extreme behaviour to remedy things we are creating very tough circumstances. Perhaps even worse than the one we are in. Its worth considering getting some professional help with that. Dont let your addictions create a hopeless world in you because that is exactly what you will reflect with your physical action.

 

    • Finding it hard to cope with everyday things

When everyday things are a hassle you need to return to your first love and get calibrated again. This is another point worth talking over with someone who cares about you and committing to work through is so that you dont lounge in the wrong situation.

Rightly so I want you to know that this happens to all of us from time to time. You could be stuck in a dead end job, friendship group, dead end abusive relationship, circumstance and just even the thoughts about it are killing your determination. You could be suicidal as you read this. Its perfectly natural to feel such feelings from time to time but it is not healthy to live in any of these states for prolonged periods of time. These tough economic times we live in call for a tough heart but by reason of not addressing our setbacks openly we are secretly vulnerable to depression, anxiety, worry, stress and illness too. Sometimes you need to take the time out to talk things through. Most people look down on counselling, coaching, mentoring, and therapy because they don’t believe their mental health can be coached, coaxed, strengthened or convicted to a better state but perhaps its time you put your pride aside and got the help you need before things get more complicated. Many of us are trying to be strong but we are dying inwardly. Many of us are smiling but internally we mourn the days past wishing them back so much we return to bad situations, maintain bad situations, reward bad situations that are useless to our present state and even promote our demise.

Here’s somewhere you can start.

Book A Session With Us

Or get a copy of our Book

More Than Average

Are You Dating a Deal Breaker?

What exactly is a dating deal breaker? These are the qualities a date either has or comes with that you can’t tolerate in your life. Or conversely, they are qualities a person must have in order to date you, such as the same religion or culture. Men and women both have deal breakers when it comes to dating. The difference between the sexes is that men honor their deal breakers. You’ll see this when a man is in a relationship with a woman for years and years, and yet he won’t marry her. In his mind, she has a deal breaker that isn’t suitable for marriage. Women, conversely, have a tendency not to honor our deal breakers when it comes to men. We think with a little work and a lot of love, we can change him and all will be well in our world. This just isn’t true. Men don’t change unless they want to change. – Lisa Copeland

When you play down key characteristics in a person’s personality that you are dating because they seem to tickle hidden fancies and arouse sexual tension it’s easy to assume this is okay and that some how through the magic of love and affection transformation can occur. Yes this is true but not when you are dealing with a habitually stubborn individual. As people we need stop mistaking Stubbornness for Confidence. Its all well and good dating someone and enjoying your time with them but understand that character can only be hidden for so long. Are you dating a deal breaker and hoping it will turn out for the best? In all my time of working with relationships both new and growing ones I have never seen a deal broken, work?

Deal Breaker:- a factor or issue which, if unresolved during negotiations, would cause one party to withdraw from a deal:

But out of interest here’s something that could enlighten you.

deal-breaker

Relationship Notes – Faulty Opinions and Contortion

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There you are trying to fit in comfortably when you really should be standing out for being amazing but constantly you regard that persons often unfounded even unprovoked negative opinion of you so highly you end up contorting and conforming to becoming their ideal package when you are far much more vibrant and colourful than their thoughts.
Its a shame they only see the Caterpillar and never the butterfly.
Escape the Box
Dissolve the Cocoon
#beyourself #recovery #friendship #relationship #respect #honour #Growth #BeAmzaing #soulties #redefine #boundaries

KIWTV Updates – When Singles Meet Event #AfterMath

Hey guys, here we are experiencing the after burner of the great event #WhenSinglesMeet hosted by the Before I Do Radio Show! We were honoured to be there alongside speakers, performers and poets each with their own unique take on the on going conversation about Networking, Relationships and the all elusive question that many battle with.. “When Will I Find Love”.

When it came to our turn to share a little bit about how we got together it was important to note that we did not meet as a result of searching for love but mostly on the basis of fulfilling a service towards those who we believe in..Young People! At the time Lola needed a speaker for her sisters event and my friend was conscious of my desire to move forward in this area and knew I was pursuing speaking engagements to strengthen my confidence since letting go of what I would refer to as a relationship I should have avoided altogether had wisdom prevailed. The simple part of it is

fulfilling purpose leads to Love, the complicated part is that the state of your heart will either lead your love astray or keep you on the straight and narrow – Mr Vito

None the less our story and the engaging topics of the speakers and poets provided a firm foundation on which people can talk and socialise without the pressure of having to act but more the inspiration to engage with potential opportunities from Business to even Love interests.

Ironically it was after the speaking sessions that I found myself engaging with singles in all types of situations and I must confess that I had to practice my own advice that day

https://twitter.com/MrVitoSpeaks/status/488335065139908608

https://twitter.com/MrVitoSpeaks/status/488333030709538816

Essentially both of us found ourselves speaking to amazing people who all desire to be recognised, loved, appreciated. We noticed that although events like this are labelled as fit for desperate people this one was not. It takes courage to meet and greet someone new and make the most of that conversation. We also got that personal satisfaction of knowing that what we were saying resonated with the hearts of many and that had there been more time and some more music to wash away the personal tension there probably would have been so much more networking.

Essentially our hats off to Soji Alayo and the Before I Do TEAM for putting minds and hearts together to fulfil purpose. Of course some people are wondering if anyone found “Love” that night. Im not 100 Percent sure about that but I can guarantee that some numbers were exchanged and some good men and women recognised. The fruit of which will be spoken of some day in another set of posts not to long from now.

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In conclusion any networking event you find yourself at reguardless of the type should be handled in a way you will feel proud of. We hope that this snippet has brought you somewhat closer to overcoming any barriers in meeting new people.

@MrandMrsVito

KIWTV “Real Love Looks Like Work 2 #AfterMath

Well as most of you may or may not know. On the 30th of June 2014 we had our 2nd “Real Love Looks Like Work Event”.

Firstly thank you to everyone who came out to connect with Us and make this night unforgettable. We would be lying if we said we didnt have fun, it was amazing! People came out and made their contributions known.

Real Love Look Like Work 2

 

Miss Bonsu started the proceedings that evening. For those of you looking for someone to host your event we encourage you to check her out on twitter @missbonsu.

The night was set alight by some key discussions affecting both men and women. Mrs Vito started the proceedings by addressing what she felt were key matters surrounding women who are preparing for love. She stressed wholeness and what encompassed it. Along with that the people shared their opinions on the subjects Mrs Vito put forward as a foundation. At our show everyone is welcome to share their thoughts as long as they contribute to the growth of people.

We also had that good food to eat and then Mr Vito spoke on the subject of manhood. He shared the on the critical state of manhood and what he felt were the missing things that make men lack confidence in approaching the opposite sex. He stressed that so long as men reject preparation in regards to manhood there would continually be single women stressing about availability of  eligible bachelors. He spoke on 5 pillars necessary for men to thrive and grow in the direction of doing what matters to themselves and generations to come.

Our Next Event will most certainly be in August and we are looking forward to seeing all of you there. We have plenty more to discuss. Make sure you bring someone this time. Its going to be amazing and we are looking forward to seeing you all there.

@MrandMrsVito

 

 

 

KIWTV – When Singles Meet(Events)

BEFORE I DO (Singles and Relationship Radio Show) will be having this great event in Barking and The Vito’s will be sitting on the panel to assist people with answers to pressing questions on the subject of Love and Relationships. The event is mainly centred around networking and developing that self confidence that allows you to be seen and heard by the right people. There will be loads of interactive activities as well as a screening of the World Cup final.

Attendance costs £20 via the link below
http://eventbrite.co.uk/event/12014988153

Sunday 13th July, 2014 @ BTN Banqueting Suite Essex.
NETWORKING, TALKS, Q&A, FOOD, DRINKS, COCKTAIL, SPOKEN WORD, SOLO PERFORMANCES, GAMES, MINGLE, WATCH WORLD CUP FINAL MATCH WITH NEW FRIENDS ON A BIG SCREEN. Don’t miss this FUN! Tickets are running out fast. For more information or call 07507658575 | 07930322194.

Its most certainly something you shouldn’t miss if you are interested in connecting with people on a different platform and having fun while you do so.

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SEE you there!

@MrandMrsVito