3 Reasons Why Boyfriends Should Not Get Husband Benefits

In this video we talk about 3 Reasons why Boyfriends Should Not Get Husband Benefits.

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Setting Boundaries In Relationships 2

In this the second part to the Boundaries Series, we talked about boundaries and how they should apply in Marriage Relationships specifically. It was an interesting and tense set of values put forward. So grab a pen and pad and lets see what you make of it.

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Some Things You Shouldnt Sweep Under The Carpet

depression-1

There are so many of us chugging along like restless machines that have no rest and most times no need for any form of relaxation. Perhaps because we are working towards a goal that needs relentless pursuit and so we find that activity our greatest occupation until another type of feeling begins to consume our attitudes and performance.

You know when a person goes through (terrible)things in life it never shows on their face, not with the make up we wear and the addictions we feed. If it does show on your face then that thing has gone too far but most of us know how to cover up our hurts and discomforts through the occasional selfie, twerk video, porn addiction, alcohol, weed toking, gambling, risk taking, sexual escapades and a variety of other things to just numb the mind from the following feelings. Are you experiencing any of these symptoms individually or collectively?

fatigue

  • Lacking energy or feeling tired

I feel these things a lot times and its usually when dealing with unwilling students during my work time or stubbornness towards a solution I believe will help the individuals I’m offering counsel to. That’s my personal energy drainer and I find myself having to with hold well thought out expressions in order to preserve my energy for weightier matters. Remember your energy always needs somewhere good to go. So reserve excessive effort for the willing. But if you are at the stage of being out of energy you need to the right thing about it and stop depleting your reserves.

restless

  • Feeling restless and agitated

Restless: unable to rest or relax as a result of anxiety or boredom

Agitation: feeling or appearing troubled or nervous

When your feel restless or agitated there is usually some procrastination involved. Perhaps you are avoiding doing something necessary to please someone else and even side-lining your emotions and suppressing your gifts and this is causing issues in your performance. Maybe its worth writing your feelings down and letting them stay on the paper as opposed to your heart. As you review your thoughts it is likely your will come to a conclusion about where you are headed to next.

weeping

  • Feeling tearful

There’s nothing more therapeutic than having a good cry. We probably all do it more frequently than we would like to admit but there does come a time when we need to ensure that our tears do not inspire us to do things we will later regret. Tears are so precious that they should be carried in a bottle but when we find ourselves crying rivers we need to get help. Ladies if you didn’t know men cry too. I need you to know that our tears can come from the same hurts you experience. We too at some points feel the discrimination that society piles upon us. We feel the burden of disappointment and the glass ceiling against our professional aspirations. We feel it all and most times we don’t know what to do with those feelings.

isolation

  • Not wanting to talk to or be with people

Yep here is a common one. The things you feel and experience you don’t want to share because they make you seem smaller. I completely understand. Sometimes you just want to turn your phone off and unplug from false expectations and the pretentiousness you see on the small and the big screen. The kind of things that usually make you smile and click are not as entertaining anymore. That human to human disconnect is real and depending on the kind of city you live in this can be common occurrence but surely you should know there are states of mind that are not sustainable. Pick up the phone and make a call and laugh during that conversation.

enthusiasm

    • Not wanting to do things you usually enjoy

When you stop doing things you enjoy essentially the passionate part of you is buried beneath your depression. its worth always exploring what is killing your joy. Joy, like purposeful activity is the fuel of enthusiasm and when your fuel is gone you are gone. This is difficult for some people to process but you must attend to your depression and convert your slump. Depression is greedy and always wants more than just the situation that created or forged it.

alcoholism

    • Using alcohol or drugs to cope with feelings

When your addiction is your prescription you are very much dancing on the edge of your sanity . Its a deep abyss that has no light. You cannot find hope in your addictions. When we have turned to extreme behaviour to remedy things we are creating very tough circumstances. Perhaps even worse than the one we are in. Its worth considering getting some professional help with that. Dont let your addictions create a hopeless world in you because that is exactly what you will reflect with your physical action.

 

    • Finding it hard to cope with everyday things

When everyday things are a hassle you need to return to your first love and get calibrated again. This is another point worth talking over with someone who cares about you and committing to work through is so that you dont lounge in the wrong situation.

Rightly so I want you to know that this happens to all of us from time to time. You could be stuck in a dead end job, friendship group, dead end abusive relationship, circumstance and just even the thoughts about it are killing your determination. You could be suicidal as you read this. Its perfectly natural to feel such feelings from time to time but it is not healthy to live in any of these states for prolonged periods of time. These tough economic times we live in call for a tough heart but by reason of not addressing our setbacks openly we are secretly vulnerable to depression, anxiety, worry, stress and illness too. Sometimes you need to take the time out to talk things through. Most people look down on counselling, coaching, mentoring, and therapy because they don’t believe their mental health can be coached, coaxed, strengthened or convicted to a better state but perhaps its time you put your pride aside and got the help you need before things get more complicated. Many of us are trying to be strong but we are dying inwardly. Many of us are smiling but internally we mourn the days past wishing them back so much we return to bad situations, maintain bad situations, reward bad situations that are useless to our present state and even promote our demise.

Here’s somewhere you can start.

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More Than Average

Relationship Notes: Divorce Is Not An Option

“COUPLES COULD PAY THE PRICE IN THE DIVORCE DEALS DUE TO CUTS IN LEGAL AID”

According to an article In the EVENING STANDARD

“LEGAL AID is now no longer available for most divorce cases due to spending cuts which see money restricted for a few high priority cases. It means divorcing wives and husbands face either a costly legal bill to pay for a lawyer or the daunting prospect of representing themselves for those without the funds”.

Lola and I believe that it takes a lot to get to the stage of divorce, simultaneously we also believe that in an age of mentors, information and timeless revelation….

A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions. The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences.” Proverbs

As avid encourager’s of togetherness Lola and I have constantly found that the state of marriage is often affected by the state of the minds of the Lovers involved and although we don’t want it to, the state of couples minds is often affected by the following factors.

MONEY PROBLEMS

CHILDREN’S DISCIPLINE

SEX & ITS FREQUENCY

TIME SPENT APART

HOUSEHOLD RESPONSIBILITIES

FRIENDS

IRRITATING HABITS

PERSONALITY CONFLICTS

INFIDELITY

FAMILY

EXPECTATIONS

Perhaps its as a result of all the above that we as people should strive for better handling of issues as when they arise and prevent what we can. That being said a worthwhile marriage is not built on shunting the things we are uncomfortable with under the carpet and then hoping the rats and mice will usher all our rubbish out. Lola and I find ourselves in situations as you would expect every married couple is supposed to, I think its not an enduring marriage if has not been tested with some kind of annoying afflictions that makes you feel like its a hopeless ship that should sink with the next wave. Remember the problems you are experiencing are REAL and neither should you suppress the feelings that come with them. The feelings serve as an indicator that there should be a change from within to encourage progress not a reason to part ways. Divorce seems like an easy way out, for those of you considering Co-Habitus Relationships, however LAWS will one day come into play where splitting with your partner may be like filing for divorce so don’t consider that as an easy way out.

Marriage is a RELATION-SHIP! A ship in which you should get over yourself as quickly as possible and learn to start RELATING on issues that keep the LOVE BOAT sailing to destiny before someone secretly gets thrown over board. Despite all the issues that come with marriage you find that most people want to find themselves walking down the aisle in style (SPENDING LIKE BOSSES) for the day and then crying a few months later. Perhaps the allure of marriage is the HONOUR that comes with it, and the ability to also work on these challenges in life with someone who cares about you. I mean when you’re hit hard by the issues mentioned as a single person, short of having a divine support system its very hard to maintain personal momentum and personal balance. Our greatest successes depend on stable relationships VISIBLE or INVISIBLE to the public eye.

Essentially permit me to encourage you that a more meaningful marriage or journey to it comes from facing your hiccups with yourself and the person or people you trust. Looking at the list above reminds Lola and I that we are still growing, some things we are yet to face but others we were facing before we consummated the marriage.

For those of you young and married seek the help you need to deal with your challenges. If youre going to overcome the issues above then let this list of donts encourage a unique perspective. Talk to your partner, be a partner not just by law but by active participation and contribution to solution.

-Don’t let marriage MUTE you!

-Don’t let PRIDE recruit you!

-Don’t let MONEY OR LACK OR EVEN THE LOVE of it divide you!

-Don’t let BAD FRIENDSHIPS RUIN you!

-Don’t let UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS fool you!

-Don’t let your FAMILIES rule you!

-Don’t let HOUSEHOLD RESPONSIBILITIES confuse you!

-Don’t Let IRRITATING HABITS consume you!

-Don’t let SEX, ITS FREQUENCY or its ABSENCE delude you!

-Don’t let CHILDREN’S DISCIPLINE be a civil war!

-Don’t let INFIDELITY be an option!

Some solutions to a lot of these problems don’t become clear until you have honestly overcome them, or you’re blessed enough to avoid them. May courage keep you strong as you overcome your challenges in similar ways in which we overcome ours daily.

The UK has gained a reputation as the divorce capital of the world because of the multi-million-pound settlements awarded to former partners. Sir Paul McCartney was required to pay Heather Mills £24.3m after four years of marriage. Beverley Charman, the former wife of John Charman, an insurance magnate, recently received £48m.

The Guardian

Choose well and you will live life happy! – Mr and Mrs Vito