Fighting Depression With Companionship

Have you ever wondered how relationships can help us build a stronger resistance against issues like Depression and Low self esteem? Well in this clip we discussed it! No one said life would be easy but we cannot and should never under estimate the power of companionship. It could make the difference in the dark days.

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The Good News Is – We Have A Radio Show!

Let's Talk About It

Ladies and Gentlemen, so sorry we have seemingly been quiet. #TeamVito has been busy trying to create some more things you can enjoy. Following on from our Real Love Looks Like Work Events… 7! to be precise a great opportunity opened up for us that we knew was right to take advantage of. An Organisation whom we had spoken at their events some 2 years back offered us the chance to host a radio show on their behalf. The organisation is called the OFNC. Aside from the honour we felt to represent them on radio it was proof that there is so much more work to do to help people find out more about how to grow and pace their relationships.

So having taken it on, our show is now on Thursdays @ 7pm on this link right here. http://www.reconcilersradio.net/ or you can access the show via the Tune Inn app just by searching for Reconcilers Radio when in doubt here is another link

Now beyond this we want you to join us during our discussions by giving us a call or getting involved on our social media.

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https://www.facebook.com/Lets-Talk-About-It-1047340565309068

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@lTAIrashow

We are already 10 shows in and want you guys to be part of this growing journey with us. So we hope you tune in on Thursday Evenings.

 

 

The Secret Labours Of Love

Relationships still remain a touchy affair for a lot of people..Everyone wants to progress into the right one but they go for the wrong one and try to make it work out like the right ones do instead of doing the secret labours that those in the right ones do for them to work best in… Love is supposed to work but for all the right reasons and it will if a choice is made to push in the same agreed direction.

How I wish that it was simpler for people to find love and keep it going, but we are seeing this become more evident in the rocky relationships of our favourite celebrities and the sometimes seemingly none existent relationships our parents are in. There are things beneath the surface that a camera cannot capture or an instagram picture cannot capture, we may be able to record the physical whereabouts of our loved ones and stalk their social media accounts and even read their habits through their web searches but when it comes to the control of someone’s emotional energy and their internal choices no one can predict them. This indeed is where secret labours come into play.

Secret labours of Love go far beyond what we can touch and actually work on how to control how and what  we feel. When I’m in doubt about what I can see happening in my relationship I must put my pride aside no matter how difficult to resolve my doubts and that happens through going back to the purpose for which I’m with the woman I chose and literally linking the dots about the source of my internal conflicts. She too must learn to do her own secret labours and avoid compartmentalising her frustrations.   A secret labour is making choices like thinking right before you answer the woman you love. Secret labour is reading a book, going to a seminar, talking to level headed counsel about what makes women tick and using the things learned to decipher the complexity that is your woman. Secret labour is learning to say sorry for your embarrassing actions and resolving internally not to do it again as opposed to avoiding getting caught with your pants down. Secret labours are ensuring you have nothing incriminating on your phone and neither do you find yourself attracting or sticking around people who bring out that kind of thing in you. Secret labours are protecting your home by regularly communicating with your wife about your concerns and sweeping nothing under the carpet. Secret labours include actually forgiving your Spouse especially when you understand the reasons for their wrong doing. Secret labours are working on yourself regularly enough to see progress that you are proud of. Secret labours are accepting responsibility is not the worst thing in the world.

A whole host of things that people don’t do but yes they still expect their Love to work like clock work. If only they knew that SECRET LABOURS make all the difference and provide a unique perspective on the future of their relationship. I recently read somewhere that people spend more money trying to fix a disastrous relationship than they do preventing the disaster.

Use secret labours and make your relationship a fortified place of intimacy, personal discovery and motivation.

Come and learn more about Secret Labours that make the difference.

3 Reasons Why Good Men Are Hard To Find

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Today’s good man is a rare elusive sight for most eligible and ready to marry women with their heads screwed on. Its clear there is some epidemic damaging availability and visibility.
Its also clear that many good women are interested in finding or being found by the right type of guys. In honour of this desire we have put together these 3 reasons to provoke some soul searching.

1) Women swoon over men who are not prepared to date: Some times ladies in their desire to connect with men often find themselves desiring a man who just isn’t ready. Some ladies even take offence at the man’s lack of readiness but their internal persistence pushes for a connection because of fear of missing out on “someone good”. They put their attention towards a man who looks like, even acts like but really isn’t prepared to be the right one for her. Constantly the woman is then forced to confront this lack of readiness and is more than likely to interpret it as rejection meanwhile the man’s lack of readiness is really fuelling her ailing insecurities. The truth is her focus should be on men who are ready to date. Unfortunately on the flip side the ones who are ready to date have their own hurdles to jump because they never present, Confident, Mature or Decisive long enough for her attention to be aroused. Until men come out the rubble of societies stereotypes and establish an identity that is based on personally enriched value systems and a follow through of those values then the rubble will on be piled on more and more until even the best of good men is invisible.

2) Using your friends “Seemingly Good Relationship” as an excuse to look for and date just any man. Many people claim to have particular tastes when it comes to the type of people to date but few of them know what they are really like when peer pressure pushes them. There is a tendency to crumble under pressure when their friend meets someone new and so to avoid dealing with envy, self imposed shame and discomfort they create space for a man who shouldnt be in their lives.  Straight away to the quiet eligible bachelor her choice shows she is incapable of choosing well. At the end of the day you need to be aware that Peer Pressure can drive you to envy. Your friends choice of man no matter who,  should drive you to learn how to choose well. When a friend is in a situation that provokes envy in you, it is important to work out the real reason for those feelings. If your friend has truly met a man who is one of a kind and you respect her opinion then surely you should look at what was happening before she met the man. Was she doing things you admire or things you despise. Your envy should not be “why does she have and I do not”. Become a student of how good choices are made and you will cultivate a humility your future husband will thank you for. “How did she get to be with who she is with?” That question will position you as a student on the path of learning.

3) The good guys are stuck in your friend zone. This is by far one of the worst curses of being perceived as being too good/nice/kind/available! There is little celebration of the fully available guy. Hes a great friend.. so what stands in the way of him becoming a good husband? Good men are hard to find because they are classified under “Undesirable(Physically Undesired) Friends” instead of “Men With Potential”. It is whatever/whomever a woman deems valuable that she will prioritise. Sometimes when your  guy “Friends” are not attractive in your eyes you may tend to mislabel them as failed experiments but its amazing how your opinions change when another woman sees the “Husband” you friend zoned. I would like to encourage you to treat every man with respect as you don’t know what kind of husband they could be. That being said if your friend zoned guy friend is a player why is he still in the friend zone? Someone like should make you feel uncomfortable. Just because you have not fallen victim to the womaniser doesn’t mean you should stick around and console the heart breaker. Why are you as a good woman giving respect and adding value to a man who by his actions is proving why he cannot be trusted!? The day untrustworthy men lose the respect they get from “good women” is the day we will see the emergence of all the good men who are hidden in the Friendzone.

 

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Some Things You Shouldnt Sweep Under The Carpet

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There are so many of us chugging along like restless machines that have no rest and most times no need for any form of relaxation. Perhaps because we are working towards a goal that needs relentless pursuit and so we find that activity our greatest occupation until another type of feeling begins to consume our attitudes and performance.

You know when a person goes through (terrible)things in life it never shows on their face, not with the make up we wear and the addictions we feed. If it does show on your face then that thing has gone too far but most of us know how to cover up our hurts and discomforts through the occasional selfie, twerk video, porn addiction, alcohol, weed toking, gambling, risk taking, sexual escapades and a variety of other things to just numb the mind from the following feelings. Are you experiencing any of these symptoms individually or collectively?

fatigue

  • Lacking energy or feeling tired

I feel these things a lot times and its usually when dealing with unwilling students during my work time or stubbornness towards a solution I believe will help the individuals I’m offering counsel to. That’s my personal energy drainer and I find myself having to with hold well thought out expressions in order to preserve my energy for weightier matters. Remember your energy always needs somewhere good to go. So reserve excessive effort for the willing. But if you are at the stage of being out of energy you need to the right thing about it and stop depleting your reserves.

restless

  • Feeling restless and agitated

Restless: unable to rest or relax as a result of anxiety or boredom

Agitation: feeling or appearing troubled or nervous

When your feel restless or agitated there is usually some procrastination involved. Perhaps you are avoiding doing something necessary to please someone else and even side-lining your emotions and suppressing your gifts and this is causing issues in your performance. Maybe its worth writing your feelings down and letting them stay on the paper as opposed to your heart. As you review your thoughts it is likely your will come to a conclusion about where you are headed to next.

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  • Feeling tearful

There’s nothing more therapeutic than having a good cry. We probably all do it more frequently than we would like to admit but there does come a time when we need to ensure that our tears do not inspire us to do things we will later regret. Tears are so precious that they should be carried in a bottle but when we find ourselves crying rivers we need to get help. Ladies if you didn’t know men cry too. I need you to know that our tears can come from the same hurts you experience. We too at some points feel the discrimination that society piles upon us. We feel the burden of disappointment and the glass ceiling against our professional aspirations. We feel it all and most times we don’t know what to do with those feelings.

isolation

  • Not wanting to talk to or be with people

Yep here is a common one. The things you feel and experience you don’t want to share because they make you seem smaller. I completely understand. Sometimes you just want to turn your phone off and unplug from false expectations and the pretentiousness you see on the small and the big screen. The kind of things that usually make you smile and click are not as entertaining anymore. That human to human disconnect is real and depending on the kind of city you live in this can be common occurrence but surely you should know there are states of mind that are not sustainable. Pick up the phone and make a call and laugh during that conversation.

enthusiasm

    • Not wanting to do things you usually enjoy

When you stop doing things you enjoy essentially the passionate part of you is buried beneath your depression. its worth always exploring what is killing your joy. Joy, like purposeful activity is the fuel of enthusiasm and when your fuel is gone you are gone. This is difficult for some people to process but you must attend to your depression and convert your slump. Depression is greedy and always wants more than just the situation that created or forged it.

alcoholism

    • Using alcohol or drugs to cope with feelings

When your addiction is your prescription you are very much dancing on the edge of your sanity . Its a deep abyss that has no light. You cannot find hope in your addictions. When we have turned to extreme behaviour to remedy things we are creating very tough circumstances. Perhaps even worse than the one we are in. Its worth considering getting some professional help with that. Dont let your addictions create a hopeless world in you because that is exactly what you will reflect with your physical action.

 

    • Finding it hard to cope with everyday things

When everyday things are a hassle you need to return to your first love and get calibrated again. This is another point worth talking over with someone who cares about you and committing to work through is so that you dont lounge in the wrong situation.

Rightly so I want you to know that this happens to all of us from time to time. You could be stuck in a dead end job, friendship group, dead end abusive relationship, circumstance and just even the thoughts about it are killing your determination. You could be suicidal as you read this. Its perfectly natural to feel such feelings from time to time but it is not healthy to live in any of these states for prolonged periods of time. These tough economic times we live in call for a tough heart but by reason of not addressing our setbacks openly we are secretly vulnerable to depression, anxiety, worry, stress and illness too. Sometimes you need to take the time out to talk things through. Most people look down on counselling, coaching, mentoring, and therapy because they don’t believe their mental health can be coached, coaxed, strengthened or convicted to a better state but perhaps its time you put your pride aside and got the help you need before things get more complicated. Many of us are trying to be strong but we are dying inwardly. Many of us are smiling but internally we mourn the days past wishing them back so much we return to bad situations, maintain bad situations, reward bad situations that are useless to our present state and even promote our demise.

Here’s somewhere you can start.

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More Than Average

Are You Dating a Deal Breaker?

What exactly is a dating deal breaker? These are the qualities a date either has or comes with that you can’t tolerate in your life. Or conversely, they are qualities a person must have in order to date you, such as the same religion or culture. Men and women both have deal breakers when it comes to dating. The difference between the sexes is that men honor their deal breakers. You’ll see this when a man is in a relationship with a woman for years and years, and yet he won’t marry her. In his mind, she has a deal breaker that isn’t suitable for marriage. Women, conversely, have a tendency not to honor our deal breakers when it comes to men. We think with a little work and a lot of love, we can change him and all will be well in our world. This just isn’t true. Men don’t change unless they want to change. – Lisa Copeland

When you play down key characteristics in a person’s personality that you are dating because they seem to tickle hidden fancies and arouse sexual tension it’s easy to assume this is okay and that some how through the magic of love and affection transformation can occur. Yes this is true but not when you are dealing with a habitually stubborn individual. As people we need stop mistaking Stubbornness for Confidence. Its all well and good dating someone and enjoying your time with them but understand that character can only be hidden for so long. Are you dating a deal breaker and hoping it will turn out for the best? In all my time of working with relationships both new and growing ones I have never seen a deal broken, work?

Deal Breaker:- a factor or issue which, if unresolved during negotiations, would cause one party to withdraw from a deal:

But out of interest here’s something that could enlighten you.

deal-breaker

Relationship Notes: The Value Of Other

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If you as a person only see the value of self and neglect that of others you erase hope stored on your Heart drive. Its not all about you! But guess what IT INVOLVES YOU. You seeing the value of others should not diminish your light or knock your shine but it should inspire you. REWIRE your agenda to reflect this and perhaps that hope in you will actually bring the needed Faith to Love because you can. #MoreThanAverage
#Men #Women #Love #Vision #Purpose #Hope #Faith #Wisdom

4 Tips For Better Networking in Real Life

Here are some tips to help men and women find some power in their presentation. We(The Vitos) are all about networking… Whatever the purpose of an event is we encourage people to really step into a place of confidence when planning to connect with new people.

Perhaps what I have witnessed more often than not is that people exude charisma on social media more than they do in person. The anonymity of no one ever finding out about our weaknesses makes people think that they never have to practice shaking peoples hands and learning better ways of presenting themselves in person. Sadly the truth is no matter how well one sells themselves on-line the proof is in the actual conversation, eye contact and the handshake I say.

Reguardless of where you are with your networking confidence here are some tweeted tips about networking that our friend shared we have drawn inspiration from them and they should get you thinking.

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1) Our dear friend put it quaintly with this one. Why would you dress up to frown? As a lady your smile is your invitation to a conversation during a buzzing networking event. You could be out at a speed dating event, but if your smile is upside down or you decided to bring your stern face you are in the wrong place. Business or pleasure, rest assured even a married man will not be coming near you if you look like you ate a wasp! That being said just because hes not your cup of tea it doesn’t mean you should treat him mean because he just might know the man who could be right for you. Dont spoil it please! Network!

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2) With this one I must echo @b_nanz sentiment. Men who don’t approach a woman with confidence are likely to get a cold shoulder anyway. She is not smiling but you as a man should practice approaching smiling woman in a warm way that affirms her presence but does not bull doze for a response. Essentially every man when he sees a woman he must look for more than the shape to determine his next set of lines. Your approach can really determine acceptance or total rejection. Yes she will look at how you are dressed and consider your potential but your words can wash away the presumptions. Dont be thirsty to drink her she is not a bottle of CHRYSTAL or A CANNED DRINK. Speak to her like royalty not a pauper and if she doesn’t understand your sober approach then errrrm she was never Royal to begin with.

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3) My question with this one is what are you doing when everyone is watching but you don’t know they are. Poor conduct always encourages scrutiny of personal values and self respect. A woman who acts wild wont really be a prime candidate for a man looking for that woman with keys to his soul. CRAZY can pretend but eventually she will come out. But a peaceful de minor at an event can provoke curiosity and intrigue enough for your number to be requested. In retrospect RATCHET(Loud and Disorderly) usually is an attempt to compensate for not being recognised or feeling unhappy about something or someone else. Before you do permit me to challenge you by saying first impressions last longest. If shes loud we cant be together unless I’m looking for a nightmare.

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4) Meeting someone new does not mean you are now in line for LOVE! It just means you are capable of holding decent conversations and its been somewhat mirrored by the other person. What you do from this point is crucial. Your job now is to learn about this person. They should remain a friend until proven otherwise. For the man who is eager its easy to shoot oneself in the foot by immediately going for jugular vein questions like “So why are you single? When can I see you again? Why are you giving me an email address? All these questions sound “Desperate for Attention” where as “What are your hobbies? Whats the last movie you went to watch? Are your friends here with you? How can I keep in contact with you because I enjoyed this conversation?” Remember in all things dont let the desire for sexual contact overwhelm your reason for connecting with this person. Sure they are attractive but that should not be your excuse to pursue sex. Rather let sex remain unfulfilled and be that be a side note and not the leader to your conversations with him/her.

Sexual attraction is only skin deep but real beauty is commitment worthy -Mr Vito

Someone is asking how did we go from networking. to sex to marriage? This is because no matter what area of life one is dealing with or what life you may have as a single man or single woman. These are things secretly buzzing around your head in various orders and combinations. Some prioritise well and it keeps them happy and other prioritise poorly and it keeps them exactly where they are desperately trying to escape from.

Heres proof of what Im talking about in action.

@MrandMrVito with the help of Tweets from @B_nanz

KIWTV Updates – When Singles Meet Event #AfterMath

Hey guys, here we are experiencing the after burner of the great event #WhenSinglesMeet hosted by the Before I Do Radio Show! We were honoured to be there alongside speakers, performers and poets each with their own unique take on the on going conversation about Networking, Relationships and the all elusive question that many battle with.. “When Will I Find Love”.

When it came to our turn to share a little bit about how we got together it was important to note that we did not meet as a result of searching for love but mostly on the basis of fulfilling a service towards those who we believe in..Young People! At the time Lola needed a speaker for her sisters event and my friend was conscious of my desire to move forward in this area and knew I was pursuing speaking engagements to strengthen my confidence since letting go of what I would refer to as a relationship I should have avoided altogether had wisdom prevailed. The simple part of it is

fulfilling purpose leads to Love, the complicated part is that the state of your heart will either lead your love astray or keep you on the straight and narrow – Mr Vito

None the less our story and the engaging topics of the speakers and poets provided a firm foundation on which people can talk and socialise without the pressure of having to act but more the inspiration to engage with potential opportunities from Business to even Love interests.

Ironically it was after the speaking sessions that I found myself engaging with singles in all types of situations and I must confess that I had to practice my own advice that day

Essentially both of us found ourselves speaking to amazing people who all desire to be recognised, loved, appreciated. We noticed that although events like this are labelled as fit for desperate people this one was not. It takes courage to meet and greet someone new and make the most of that conversation. We also got that personal satisfaction of knowing that what we were saying resonated with the hearts of many and that had there been more time and some more music to wash away the personal tension there probably would have been so much more networking.

Essentially our hats off to Soji Alayo and the Before I Do TEAM for putting minds and hearts together to fulfil purpose. Of course some people are wondering if anyone found “Love” that night. Im not 100 Percent sure about that but I can guarantee that some numbers were exchanged and some good men and women recognised. The fruit of which will be spoken of some day in another set of posts not to long from now.

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In conclusion any networking event you find yourself at reguardless of the type should be handled in a way you will feel proud of. We hope that this snippet has brought you somewhat closer to overcoming any barriers in meeting new people.

@MrandMrsVito