KIWTV – Real Love Looks Like Work 6

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Hey guys so this happened the other day! #TeamVito would like to thank all those who came down to our KIWTV Event – Real Love Looks Like Work 6

The event was themed “The Love Life Of An Entrepreneur”.  We are so greatful for the attendance and the amazing contributions that were made by our panelists. For those who were there we hope that experience has put a hop in your next steps and helped you to shape more seriously the kind of relationship you are planning to go into or the one you’re in. All subjects covered on the night although not exhaustive are covered to provoke you to thought and practical action that will lead to good results in Love and Business.  We remain greatful again for the support and the  Love shown to us and you can bet that our next event will compliment all that we have done so far.

If you would like to see some topics thrown into the mix for out next event feel free to email us on Mrandmrsvito@gmail.com and will get back to you with our thoughts.  Thanks again to you all.

Remember

Real Love Looks Like Work!

Kind regards

Mr & Mrs Vito

4 Precautions To Help You Fufil Purpose

We all have some sort of desire to live a fuller life, make better connections and strengthen the purpose for which we are living. The greatest challenge for most people is not doing their best when people are looking but its usually when people are not looking.

For men this is especially difficult because the habits we form in secret have a way of disarming even our public confidence. Porn, Anger, Suicide, Depression, Frustration, Helplessness, Laziness, even disadvantage…. all of these require courage to over come and stay out of.

When a man has not explored his potential he is vulnerable to discouragement and all these previously mentioned elements are ignited by a sense of inadequacy. In fact feeling like you are not good enough to do anything is worse when you’re alone. In isolation a man can think himself into a slumber or stubborness as the absence of courage leaves his personality crippled and voiceless.

I need you to know that courage to fulfil purpose is not easily found and as men we should learn to appreciate courage when it comes from somewhere other than our depressed self. There are multiple ways in which encouragement can come and its important to be open and connect with people who have the courage we yearn for. In the process one must understand that encouragement to someone who is in a slump can be frustration. It can foster dishonour and a deep lack of appreciation. Courage is a tough commodity to secure so when it seemingly comes for free we must give attention to it.

Here are few habits one would to adjust in order to respond well when Courage comes.

1) Beware of Flattery: Flattery can easily be mistaken for encouragement because it creates a false sense of security that is founded on foggy agenda. Flattery is the short cut to achieving rapport with someone but it is not what sustains it. Real encouragement comes with correction and a new level of discipline to reset bad ideas. Flattery makes you feel good for the moment but it does not produce sustainable returns. Encouragement is more long term it ushers the receiver onto a path of discovery and personal change. Encouragement challenges the state of a man and suggests that he is more than he has settled for.

2) Beware of Lies: Lies can fabricate entirely different situations in the state of a discouraged person. They can create internal division in a mans mind about his conviction and they confuse his course of action. When a man is told lies or is in the habit of telling them, this in effect causes an unstable mindset which in effect cannot succeed in fulfilling purpose. Fulfilling purpose at the cost of integrity is not fulfilling purpose at all, its actually compromising oneself and in doing so exposes the individual to discontentment.

3) Beware of Wilful blindness: In my line of work I constantly have to challenge negative mindsets and I find myself having to discourage some forms of behaviour and encourage others. What is unfortunate is that some times people protect their bad habits and disconnect themselves from affirmation for the sake of temporary joys. What they dont know is that they are nursing disadvantage. Inevitably these people end up hating good instruction because their temporary joy has created a monster they cannot overcome. Pride has stepped in to crown their disadvantage. Short of humility a wilfully blind person will persist on that path and it is very difficult to call them back unless they are willing to lay it all out.

4) Beware of Pride: Pride is personal, and when its not put on a leash or left unattended, it can be the root of all self deception. Pride creates a terrible self dependance that does not create a discerning well positioned individual.
Some people because of pride have abandoned courage and stood with the coward beneath. Pride suppresses speaking out of any kind that mobilises change. A lot of people want to change their ways but refuse to put pride aside because it hurts too much. Pride is a self defence technique for low self esteem.

3 Reasons Why Good Men Are Hard To Find

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Today’s good man is a rare elusive sight for most eligible and ready to marry women with their heads screwed on. Its clear there is some epidemic damaging availability and visibility.
Its also clear that many good women are interested in finding or being found by the right type of guys. In honour of this desire we have put together these 3 reasons to provoke some soul searching.

1) Women swoon over men who are not prepared to date: Some times ladies in their desire to connect with men often find themselves desiring a man who just isn’t ready. Some ladies even take offence at the man’s lack of readiness but their internal persistence pushes for a connection because of fear of missing out on “someone good”. They put their attention towards a man who looks like, even acts like but really isn’t prepared to be the right one for her. Constantly the woman is then forced to confront this lack of readiness and is more than likely to interpret it as rejection meanwhile the man’s lack of readiness is really fuelling her ailing insecurities. The truth is her focus should be on men who are ready to date. Unfortunately on the flip side the ones who are ready to date have their own hurdles to jump because they never present, Confident, Mature or Decisive long enough for her attention to be aroused. Until men come out the rubble of societies stereotypes and establish an identity that is based on personally enriched value systems and a follow through of those values then the rubble will on be piled on more and more until even the best of good men is invisible.

2) Using your friends “Seemingly Good Relationship” as an excuse to look for and date just any man. Many people claim to have particular tastes when it comes to the type of people to date but few of them know what they are really like when peer pressure pushes them. There is a tendency to crumble under pressure when their friend meets someone new and so to avoid dealing with envy, self imposed shame and discomfort they create space for a man who shouldnt be in their lives.  Straight away to the quiet eligible bachelor her choice shows she is incapable of choosing well. At the end of the day you need to be aware that Peer Pressure can drive you to envy. Your friends choice of man no matter who,  should drive you to learn how to choose well. When a friend is in a situation that provokes envy in you, it is important to work out the real reason for those feelings. If your friend has truly met a man who is one of a kind and you respect her opinion then surely you should look at what was happening before she met the man. Was she doing things you admire or things you despise. Your envy should not be “why does she have and I do not”. Become a student of how good choices are made and you will cultivate a humility your future husband will thank you for. “How did she get to be with who she is with?” That question will position you as a student on the path of learning.

3) The good guys are stuck in your friend zone. This is by far one of the worst curses of being perceived as being too good/nice/kind/available! There is little celebration of the fully available guy. Hes a great friend.. so what stands in the way of him becoming a good husband? Good men are hard to find because they are classified under “Undesirable(Physically Undesired) Friends” instead of “Men With Potential”. It is whatever/whomever a woman deems valuable that she will prioritise. Sometimes when your  guy “Friends” are not attractive in your eyes you may tend to mislabel them as failed experiments but its amazing how your opinions change when another woman sees the “Husband” you friend zoned. I would like to encourage you to treat every man with respect as you don’t know what kind of husband they could be. That being said if your friend zoned guy friend is a player why is he still in the friend zone? Someone like should make you feel uncomfortable. Just because you have not fallen victim to the womaniser doesn’t mean you should stick around and console the heart breaker. Why are you as a good woman giving respect and adding value to a man who by his actions is proving why he cannot be trusted!? The day untrustworthy men lose the respect they get from “good women” is the day we will see the emergence of all the good men who are hidden in the Friendzone.

 

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Should She Get Sex On The First Date?

Sex on the First Date

Mr and Mrs Vito had a special talk on the subject of Sex on the first date. Its time we tried talking from a different perspective. We always ask women to put a value on it but when will men put a value on it. Probably never but commendations to those who try.

Research examining how sexual timing is associated with relationship satisfaction, stability, and communication has found waiting to become intimate had a higher correlation with more favourable long-term relationship outcomes.

Take a listen to this one!

Enjoy and Share It.

Some Things You Shouldnt Sweep Under The Carpet

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There are so many of us chugging along like restless machines that have no rest and most times no need for any form of relaxation. Perhaps because we are working towards a goal that needs relentless pursuit and so we find that activity our greatest occupation until another type of feeling begins to consume our attitudes and performance.

You know when a person goes through (terrible)things in life it never shows on their face, not with the make up we wear and the addictions we feed. If it does show on your face then that thing has gone too far but most of us know how to cover up our hurts and discomforts through the occasional selfie, twerk video, porn addiction, alcohol, weed toking, gambling, risk taking, sexual escapades and a variety of other things to just numb the mind from the following feelings. Are you experiencing any of these symptoms individually or collectively?

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  • Lacking energy or feeling tired

I feel these things a lot times and its usually when dealing with unwilling students during my work time or stubbornness towards a solution I believe will help the individuals I’m offering counsel to. That’s my personal energy drainer and I find myself having to with hold well thought out expressions in order to preserve my energy for weightier matters. Remember your energy always needs somewhere good to go. So reserve excessive effort for the willing. But if you are at the stage of being out of energy you need to the right thing about it and stop depleting your reserves.

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  • Feeling restless and agitated

Restless: unable to rest or relax as a result of anxiety or boredom

Agitation: feeling or appearing troubled or nervous

When your feel restless or agitated there is usually some procrastination involved. Perhaps you are avoiding doing something necessary to please someone else and even side-lining your emotions and suppressing your gifts and this is causing issues in your performance. Maybe its worth writing your feelings down and letting them stay on the paper as opposed to your heart. As you review your thoughts it is likely your will come to a conclusion about where you are headed to next.

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  • Feeling tearful

There’s nothing more therapeutic than having a good cry. We probably all do it more frequently than we would like to admit but there does come a time when we need to ensure that our tears do not inspire us to do things we will later regret. Tears are so precious that they should be carried in a bottle but when we find ourselves crying rivers we need to get help. Ladies if you didn’t know men cry too. I need you to know that our tears can come from the same hurts you experience. We too at some points feel the discrimination that society piles upon us. We feel the burden of disappointment and the glass ceiling against our professional aspirations. We feel it all and most times we don’t know what to do with those feelings.

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  • Not wanting to talk to or be with people

Yep here is a common one. The things you feel and experience you don’t want to share because they make you seem smaller. I completely understand. Sometimes you just want to turn your phone off and unplug from false expectations and the pretentiousness you see on the small and the big screen. The kind of things that usually make you smile and click are not as entertaining anymore. That human to human disconnect is real and depending on the kind of city you live in this can be common occurrence but surely you should know there are states of mind that are not sustainable. Pick up the phone and make a call and laugh during that conversation.

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    • Not wanting to do things you usually enjoy

When you stop doing things you enjoy essentially the passionate part of you is buried beneath your depression. its worth always exploring what is killing your joy. Joy, like purposeful activity is the fuel of enthusiasm and when your fuel is gone you are gone. This is difficult for some people to process but you must attend to your depression and convert your slump. Depression is greedy and always wants more than just the situation that created or forged it.

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    • Using alcohol or drugs to cope with feelings

When your addiction is your prescription you are very much dancing on the edge of your sanity . Its a deep abyss that has no light. You cannot find hope in your addictions. When we have turned to extreme behaviour to remedy things we are creating very tough circumstances. Perhaps even worse than the one we are in. Its worth considering getting some professional help with that. Dont let your addictions create a hopeless world in you because that is exactly what you will reflect with your physical action.

 

    • Finding it hard to cope with everyday things

When everyday things are a hassle you need to return to your first love and get calibrated again. This is another point worth talking over with someone who cares about you and committing to work through is so that you dont lounge in the wrong situation.

Rightly so I want you to know that this happens to all of us from time to time. You could be stuck in a dead end job, friendship group, dead end abusive relationship, circumstance and just even the thoughts about it are killing your determination. You could be suicidal as you read this. Its perfectly natural to feel such feelings from time to time but it is not healthy to live in any of these states for prolonged periods of time. These tough economic times we live in call for a tough heart but by reason of not addressing our setbacks openly we are secretly vulnerable to depression, anxiety, worry, stress and illness too. Sometimes you need to take the time out to talk things through. Most people look down on counselling, coaching, mentoring, and therapy because they don’t believe their mental health can be coached, coaxed, strengthened or convicted to a better state but perhaps its time you put your pride aside and got the help you need before things get more complicated. Many of us are trying to be strong but we are dying inwardly. Many of us are smiling but internally we mourn the days past wishing them back so much we return to bad situations, maintain bad situations, reward bad situations that are useless to our present state and even promote our demise.

Here’s somewhere you can start.

Book A Session With Us

Or get a copy of our Book

More Than Average

Are You Dating a Deal Breaker?

What exactly is a dating deal breaker? These are the qualities a date either has or comes with that you can’t tolerate in your life. Or conversely, they are qualities a person must have in order to date you, such as the same religion or culture. Men and women both have deal breakers when it comes to dating. The difference between the sexes is that men honor their deal breakers. You’ll see this when a man is in a relationship with a woman for years and years, and yet he won’t marry her. In his mind, she has a deal breaker that isn’t suitable for marriage. Women, conversely, have a tendency not to honor our deal breakers when it comes to men. We think with a little work and a lot of love, we can change him and all will be well in our world. This just isn’t true. Men don’t change unless they want to change. – Lisa Copeland

When you play down key characteristics in a person’s personality that you are dating because they seem to tickle hidden fancies and arouse sexual tension it’s easy to assume this is okay and that some how through the magic of love and affection transformation can occur. Yes this is true but not when you are dealing with a habitually stubborn individual. As people we need stop mistaking Stubbornness for Confidence. Its all well and good dating someone and enjoying your time with them but understand that character can only be hidden for so long. Are you dating a deal breaker and hoping it will turn out for the best? In all my time of working with relationships both new and growing ones I have never seen a deal broken, work?

Deal Breaker:- a factor or issue which, if unresolved during negotiations, would cause one party to withdraw from a deal:

But out of interest here’s something that could enlighten you.

deal-breaker

Relationship Notes – Faulty Opinions and Contortion

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There you are trying to fit in comfortably when you really should be standing out for being amazing but constantly you regard that persons often unfounded even unprovoked negative opinion of you so highly you end up contorting and conforming to becoming their ideal package when you are far much more vibrant and colourful than their thoughts.
Its a shame they only see the Caterpillar and never the butterfly.
Escape the Box
Dissolve the Cocoon
#beyourself #recovery #friendship #relationship #respect #honour #Growth #BeAmzaing #soulties #redefine #boundaries

Relationship Notes: The Value Of Other

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If you as a person only see the value of self and neglect that of others you erase hope stored on your Heart drive. Its not all about you! But guess what IT INVOLVES YOU. You seeing the value of others should not diminish your light or knock your shine but it should inspire you. REWIRE your agenda to reflect this and perhaps that hope in you will actually bring the needed Faith to Love because you can. #MoreThanAverage
#Men #Women #Love #Vision #Purpose #Hope #Faith #Wisdom