Dear Mrs Vito, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 months and despite my love for him I’m worried about us. I’m a Christian and believe in no sex before marriage, however we’ve found ourselves not keeping this principle. From the beginning I’ve told him what I wanted and even suggested he go to the […]
Today’s good man is a rare elusive sight for most eligible and ready to marry women with their heads screwed on. Its clear there is some epidemic damaging availability and visibility.
Its also clear that many good women are interested in finding or being found by the right type of guys. In honour of this desire we have put together these 3 reasons to provoke some soul searching.
1) Women swoon over men who are not prepared to date: Some times ladies in their desire to connect with men often find themselves desiring a man who just isn’t ready. Some ladies even take offence at the man’s lack of readiness but their internal persistence pushes for a connection because of fear of missing out on “someone good”. They put their attention towards a man who looks like, even acts like but really isn’t prepared to be the right one for her. Constantly the woman is then forced to confront this lack of readiness and is more than likely to interpret it as rejection meanwhile the man’s lack of readiness is really fuelling her ailing insecurities. The truth is her focus should be on men who are ready to date. Unfortunately on the flip side the ones who are ready to date have their own hurdles to jump because they never present, Confident, Mature or Decisive long enough for her attention to be aroused. Until men come out the rubble of societies stereotypes and establish an identity that is based on personally enriched value systems and a follow through of those values then the rubble will on be piled on more and more until even the best of good men is invisible.
2) Using your friends “Seemingly Good Relationship” as an excuse to look for and date just any man. Many people claim to have particular tastes when it comes to the type of people to date but few of them know what they are really like when peer pressure pushes them. There is a tendency to crumble under pressure when their friend meets someone new and so to avoid dealing with envy, self imposed shame and discomfort they create space for a man who shouldnt be in their lives. Straight away to the quiet eligible bachelor her choice shows she is incapable of choosing well. At the end of the day you need to be aware that Peer Pressure can drive you to envy. Your friends choice of man no matter who, should drive you to learn how to choose well. When a friend is in a situation that provokes envy in you, it is important to work out the real reason for those feelings. If your friend has truly met a man who is one of a kind and you respect her opinion then surely you should look at what was happening before she met the man. Was she doing things you admire or things you despise. Your envy should not be “why does she have and I do not”. Become a student of how good choices are made and you will cultivate a humility your future husband will thank you for. “How did she get to be with who she is with?” That question will position you as a student on the path of learning.
3) The good guys are stuck in your friend zone. This is by far one of the worst curses of being perceived as being too good/nice/kind/available! There is little celebration of the fully available guy. Hes a great friend.. so what stands in the way of him becoming a good husband? Good men are hard to find because they are classified under “Undesirable(Physically Undesired) Friends” instead of “Men With Potential”. It is whatever/whomever a woman deems valuable that she will prioritise. Sometimes when your guy “Friends” are not attractive in your eyes you may tend to mislabel them as failed experiments but its amazing how your opinions change when another woman sees the “Husband” you friend zoned. I would like to encourage you to treat every man with respect as you don’t know what kind of husband they could be. That being said if your friend zoned guy friend is a player why is he still in the friend zone? Someone like should make you feel uncomfortable. Just because you have not fallen victim to the womaniser doesn’t mean you should stick around and console the heart breaker. Why are you as a good woman giving respect and adding value to a man who by his actions is proving why he cannot be trusted!? The day untrustworthy men lose the respect they get from “good women” is the day we will see the emergence of all the good men who are hidden in the Friendzone.